Respiré hondo…una vez…dos veces…varias veces de hecho. Me miré al espejo fijamente y me dije: “adelante”.

No era la primera vez que le veía, pero esta situación era diferente: me había invitado a su despacho para discutir algunas de mis ideas que ya le había enviado previamente. Me sentía pequeña…¿qué le iba a decir yo a alguien tan grande?…De repente recordé un sentimiento similar, cuando, una vez realizada mi solicitud para ingresar en la Facultad de Física pensé: “¿podré hacerlo?…¿hace falta ser un Einstein para dedicarse a la física?”…Corolario y respuesta: No, no hacer falta ser un Einstein.

En perspectiva veo y me gusta comprobar la hipótesis, de que el mundo acaba siendo de los valientes, y de que no es valiente el que no tiene miedos, sino el que los tiene y los afronta. Esta es una de mis briznas de esperanza en los tiempos que vivimos.

Así también es una brizna de esperanza Stephen, Steven como le gustaba, y en muchas facetas. Le recuerdo comentándome – escribiendo lentamente, con la ayuda de un tenue parpadeo voluntario que le permitía seleccionar las letras, una a una, en una pantalla de ordenador con el display de un teclado –…Tiempo: me detengo ahora aquí un instante…Los silencios durante esos minutos que tardaba en escribir sus pensamientos, mientras conversábamos, no me inquietaban ni impacientaban (otras personas me habían advertido de que a ellas les pasaba)…Muy al contrario: eran momentos que alargaban la ilusión, aumentaban y potenciaban la expectación, la sorpresa por ver qué estaba saliendo de esa mente privilegiada. Me sentía tremendamente cómoda inmersa en ese silencio y mi mente curiosa no dejaba de imaginar cómo se engranaba el mensaje letra a letra en esa mente.

Retomo: le recuerdo comentándome en esas conversaciones de silencio, cómo superó la noticia de conocer su enfermedad, de saber que los médicos le auguraban pocos años de vida…a una edad, los 21, en la plenitud de la juventud, cuando uno ha abandonado ya el nido materno y empieza a volar sólo, realizando sus planes de futuro, escogiendo a qué querrá dedicar su vida, pensando en si se casará, si tendrá hijos….Estuvo encerrado en su residencia universitaria de Cambridge, sin querer ver a amigos, ni familiares ni profesores, en un proceso de catarsis escuchando obras de Wagner a todo volumen…Y de ese proceso de catarsis surgió como un ave fénix, gracias a dos herramientas…Dos fueron las herramientas que le salvaron…Dos fueron las armas que utilizó en la batalla…y esas armas eran …pensamientos: Uno: el pensamiento de que cada día extra que pasara en este mundo era un regalo. Dos: el pensamiento de que iba a focalizar su mente en lo que podía hacer, no en lo que no podía hacer. Estos dos pensamientos fueron las armas con las que venció la batalla frente a la desesperación y a la retirada…Estos dos pensamientos le salvaron y le dieron la vida, una nueva vida.

Y un objetivo vital le focalizó: casarse con Jane, su novia. Si quería casarse, tenía que encontrar un trabajo de modo que debía finalizar su Tesis. Eso le dio un objetivo a la vez inmediato y a largo plazo, y le incentivó a acabar su Tesis.

Quizá uno de los triunfos más grandes de Steven Hawking no haya sido sólo su incuestionable aportación a la ciencia…sino el dominio de su mente.

Steven dio un giro de 180 grados a su situación: el largo tiempo que le llevaban sus tareas diarias, incluso las más sencillas como asearse, no era ya un tiempo perdido: era un tiempo dedicado a pensar, a darle vueltas a la mente, a explorar sus ideas…Supo convertir la pesadez y el aislamiento al que le condenaban unas tareas físicas necesarias, en tiempo libre para su mente.

Y se lo veías en los ojos…como cuando componía letra a letra sus ideas durante sus conversaciones de silencio: su mente estaba siempre conectada, pensando algo…Y no podías dejar de preguntarte qué nuevas ideas estaría tramando el genio…

Steven era una persona también inteligente en otros ámbitos: sabía escoger quién quería a su lado. Pat está ahora destrozada…la veis aquí en la fotografía, esa es Pat. Pat fue su enfermera personal durante muchos años. Pocas veces he presenciado una unión y conexión personal tan profunda como la que existía entre ellos: Pat conocía el estado de ánimo de Steven sólo con mirarlo. Judith, su asistente personal, ha sido también una persona importante en la vida de Steven. Steven no hubiera llegado tan lejos sin personas a su lado como Pat y Judith,  y otras muchas que le han estado dando apoyo durante tantos años.

Pat me comentaba entre risas, lo nerviosa que estaba el día en que tuvo la entrevista personal con Steven para conseguir su puesto de trabajo. Le costó conciliar el sueño la noche anterior debido a los nervios…”¿Qué le voy a decir a un hombre como él si no sé nada de agujeros negros, ni del Big Bang..ni nada de todo eso…¡Soy una simple enfermera!”…¿Sabéis cuál fue la primera pregunta que le hizo Steven durante esa entrevista de trabajo?…Su primera pregunta no tuvo nada que ver con la física teórica…Su primera pregunta no tuvo nada que ver con la medicina ni las múltiples cualidades y credenciales de Pat como enfermera…Su primera pregunta fue: “¿A ti te gustan los Simpson?”.

Así era Steven: le gustaba rodearse de grandes personas y de personas que no le vieran como a un enfermo, sino simplemente como a una persona. Y les retaba continuamente a arrancarle una sonrisa: quien no arrancaba una sonrisa a Steven no estaba a su lado.

“¡Soy una simple enfermera!” Decía Pat…No tan “simple” Pat: posees un conocimiento que él necesitaba y más que eso, eres una gran persona. También lo es Judith y eso precisamente es lo que buscaba Steven también.

Su despacho es modesto…He estado en muchos despachos enormes, grandilocuentes, para individuos pequeños….como si con el espacio físico quisieran suplir la calidad personal de la que van carentes. Y estaba lleno de detalles, detalles personales, detalles de amigos, recuerdos de experiencias…se estaba rodeando en ese despacho de la calidad personal que tanto apreciaba.

Su casa es igual…ni una gran mansión, ni un gran chalet…Nada más poner un pie en ella, te impregna la sensación de estar en tu casa…es cómoda, cálida, repleta de objetos que son testimonio de personas, y no hay ningún detalle en ella, ninguno, que pueda hacer ver que allí podía vivir una persona impedida físicamente.

En algunos momentos que tuve el honor de pasar con él, me pellizcaba: “¿estoy aquí?…Sí, estoy aquí…entonces supongo que algo habré hecho aunque no sé exactamente el qué…” como durante una cena íntima entre amigos de Steven: tenía a mi derecha a Steven, frente a mí a Kip Thorne y a mi izquierda a Alekséi Leónov…O, en otra ocasión, celebrando el cumpleaños de su hijo Tim…Qué grandeza la de este hombre, qué generosidad.

Pero Steven ya había sido generoso conmigo en el pasado, sin él saberlo, hace muchos, muchos años…Cuando aún era una niña mi madre entró ilusionada en casa y me dijo “toma, un nuevo libro. Habla del Universo y de todas esas cosas de física que te gustan”. Era “Una breve Historia del Tiempo”. Steven y Carl Sagan han sido mi inspiración para dedicarme a la ciencia y a la física. Y ese es un regalo generoso de ambos que no tiene precio.

Cuántas ideas perdidas…cuántos proyectos han quedado en suspensión…como la próxima película que estaba preparando junto a su gran amigo y colega Kip Thorne, que seguro Kip sabrá continuar y dedicar a su amigo…

Cuántas cosas se han quedado presas en esa mente…cuántas ideas se han quedado suspendidas en esa distancia entre su mente, el parpadeo de sus ojos, y las letras en ese teclado de pantalla, letra a letra, bit a bit…suspendidas en su querido espaciotiempo. Todo su mundo, toda su realidad interior, quedaba plasmada en esa pantalla, en esa superficie bidimensional, cual información de sus queridos agujeros negros parece quedar guardada en la superficie de sus horizontes de sucesos…

Sólo algunas personas tienen la generosidad para, desde la grandeza, ayudar a los que suben. Sólo algunas personas poseen la grandeza de comprender que ellos también empezaron y se prestan a tender la mano al que está ahora empezando. Sólo algunas personas comprenden que su mayor riqueza son sus pensamientos, lo que hacen con ellos y las personas de las que son capaces de rodearse. Sólo algunas personas poseen esa grandeza.

Steven Hawking es una de ellas.

Gloria García-Cuadrado

 

Only a Few people…

I took a deep-breathe…once…twice…many times in fact. I stared at my image reflected onto the mirror and said “Go”.

It was not the first time I was going to meet him, but this time was special indeed: he has invited me to comment on some theoretical physics ideas I wrote, I have previously sent to him. I was feeling little…what was I supposed to say to somebody as great as him? …Suddenly, a memory of a similar thought and feeling stroke me: I felt similarly when signing in my acceptance for the Faculty of Physics. In that very moment I thought: “Will I get it? Is it necessary to be an Einstein to pursue Physics?”. Corollary and answer: No. It is not necessary to be an Einstein to undertake your Physics career.

In the hindsight I can see now, and get comfort at, verifying the hypothesis that the world and the opportunities belong to those who dare. And that it is brave not who has not any fear, but who has fears and fights against them. This is one of my wisps of hope for the times we are living…

Stephen, or Steven as he liked it, was also a wisp of hope. I remember having a conversation with him – while he was slowly typing his ideas with the help of a tiny voluntary blink of an eye that allowed him to select letter by letter and compose his message on a screen keyboard-…Let’s stop here now for a moment: Silence running during the time he needed to type in his ideas, his thoughts, while we had these conversations in silence, did not bother me or caused me any discomfort (as other people had reported me they felt)…While on the contrary: those were moments of sustained hope that enhanced the feeling of expectation, the surprise to discover what was about to get out from that privileged mind. I was feeling tremendously comfortable submerged in that silence and my curious mind couldn’t stop imagining how his message willing to get out was being assembled, letter by letter, in that tiny screen he has in front of his eyes.

I continue where I left: I remember him commenting during those conversations in silence, how he could overcome the news of his terrible physical condition; how he could overcome the news doctors were giving him just a few years of lifetime…And he was in his 21, in the fullness of his youth…an age when you have abandoned your family nest and start to fly alone, make life plans, imagine whether you are going to get married and have children…He condemned  himself to isolation in his Cambridge headquarters….no family, no friends, no professors…only Wagner operas hitting the walls of his room, of his mind and soul, somehow in a process of catharsis…And from that catharsis he got out as a Phoenix, he got out empowered with two new tools. Just two new tools that saved him… two new tools that he used in the battle…and those powerful tools, those weapons, were his thoughts, just two thoughts: One: the thought that every extra day in his lifetime will be a present. Two: the thought that he will focus his mind on what he can do, not on what he cannot do. Those two thoughts were the weapons that allow him to win the war against despair and withdrawal. Those two thoughts rescued him and gave him life, a new life.

And a vital objective focused him: to marry Jane, his girlfriend. If he wanted to marry Jane, he would need a job, and therefore he needed to finish his Thesis. This plan gave him an objective that was a short-term and a long-term objective at the same time, and encouraged him to pursue his Thesis.

But perhaps one of the biggest triumphs of Steven, apart from his indisputable contribution to science, is his capability to master his mind.

Steven got to turn his situation 180 degrees: the long time span taken by his everyday routines even the simplest one as getting dressed, were not a waste of time anymore: it was now a time devoted to think, to imagine theories, to explore his ideas…He learnt how to convert the dullness and isolation these routines derived from his condition condemned him to, into free time for his mind and his thoughts.

And you could see it in his eyes…same as when he composed his message letter by letter during the conversations in silence…in the same way his mind was always connected, plugged-in, thinking something…and you couldn’t stop imagining what new ideas was the genius hatching.

Steven was also an intelligent person in other areas: He knew very well how to select people around him. Pat is now shattered after his death…You see Pat here in the picture, that’s Pat. Pat was his personal nurse for many years. Only a few times have I witness such a link and personal connection like the one Pat and Steven had: She could perfectly guess Steven ‘s mood in a single look. Judith, his personal assistant, was also an important person for Steven. Steven wouldn’t have reached so far if it were not for people like Pat or Judith, and others that have assisted him for so many years.

Pat commented once with laughs how nervous was she the day she had his work interview with Steven. She nearly couldn’t sleep the night before and couldn’t stop thinking “What the hell I am going to comment with this man if I don’t know anything about black holes or the Big Bang?…I am just a mere nurse! ”…Can you guess what was the first question Steven posed to Pat during that interview? That first question was not about theoretical physics; that first question was not about medicine or Pat’s credentials…That first question was: “Do you like the Simpsons?”

This is Steven. He enjoyed having good people by his side and having by his side people that did not looked at him as somebody sick, but just as somebody else. And Steven was constantly challenging them to make him laugh: if you could not start a smile from Steven, then you were not a member of his team.

“I am a mere nurse” Pat said…Not as “mere” Pat: you have a knowledge Steven needed and above all, you are a great person: Same goes for Judith, and that’s precisely what Steven looked for also.

His headquarters are modest…I have been in many headquarters, big, enormous, grandiloquent headquarters…for tiny individuals…as if the physical space could replace the personal quality they lack. And his modest but great headquarters was filled with details, details from friends, from people, from experiences…He was getting surrounded in that modest headquarter with the warmness of the personal quality he so much appreciated.

His home was the same. It was not a big mansion or big chalet…As you came in you get immediately a feeling of comfort, of warmness…you feel like being at home. It is full of details, objects that are memories of people, of friendship, of colleagues…And you can’t see any details, any, that recall you of a physically disabled person.

In some occasions I was with him, I had to pinch me: “Am I really here? Yes, I guess…I guess I must have done something to deserve it although I don’t know exactly what…” One of that occasions was having dinner with a group of Steven’s friends and colleagues: I had Steven by my right, Kip Thorne in front of me and Alekséi Leónov by my left. Another one was on the occasion of the birthday celebration of his son Tim. What greatness this man, what generosity.

He has also been generous to me without him knowing it, many, many, many years ago…when I was just a child and my mother gave me a “new book talking about the universe and all those things from physics that you like”. It was “A Brief History of Time”. Steven and Carl Sagan have been my inspiration and models to pursue science and physics. And that is a generous present you cannot pay for.

How many lost ideas… How many projects now in suspension…such as the new film he was preparing with Kip Thorne, his friend and colleague…I am sure Kip will know how to continue and dedicate it to his good friend…

How many issues now imprisoned in that mind…How many ideas now in suspension along the distance between his mind, the blink of his eyes and the letters in that screen keyboard, letter by letter, bit by bit…now in suspension in his beloved spacetime. All his world, all his internal reality was printed on that screen keyboard, on that bidimensional surface, in the same way that information of his admired black holes is kept printed onto the surface of their event horizons…

Only a few people have the generosity, from their greatness, to help those who are just starting. Only a few people have the greatness to comprehend that they also once started, and are willing to extend their hand to those who start now. Only a few people understand that their biggest wealth and treasure are their thoughts, what they do with them and the people they get to attract to their side. Only a few people have that greatness.

Steven Hawking is one of them.

Gloria Garcia-Cuadrado